Been a while. . .

I know, I know! Where have I been? I can hardly believe it's been 4 weeks since I've written a "real" post. We've had 3 weeks on and off of 2 (yes, 2!) stomach bugs, we've started school again, and I'm taking care of a 4 month old in addition to my three kiddos. We've been busy, but it's kinda been a laid-back busy. Does that make any sense?

I have this rule that I don't blog when dear hubby is home. If he's here, we're doing something as a family for the most part. I refuse to "check out" on the computer when he's around. It's just not fair to any of us.

I've also been in a weird kind of place emotionally the past number of weeks. I'm hurting for other people, I'm hurting for myself, and I'm taking a lickin' from the Holy Spirit on a number of issues.

I'm about to get real real here, people. Prepare yourselves.

I have always with the exception of my junior year in High School been a "good girl". I've always been the cheerful one, or the friendly one, or the peppy one. Even in going through difficult times, I've tried to do the "right" thing. Handle things the "right" way. And to be honest, I've taken a lot of pride in how "good" and "nice" I am. I've ALWAYS been a rule-follower - if you've ever played cards or board games with me, you know this to be true! I can't stand a cheater - if someone cheats at a game, I want to quit then and there. I don't want to play with that person any more.



The Lord has impressed upon me lately that I have been living a works-based faith. I believe, I know that we are saved by grace and through faith, not by works. However, I'm not too sure that I've been living what I believe. It wasn't until my world fell apart a number of months ago that I realized how messed up my deep-down thinking was. You see, I got a little upset that I was going through such hard times. "What did I do to deserve this?" was my question of the day. For many days. And many months. Those were just my thoughts, however. On the outside, I was handling everything just as I knew the Lord would have me handle it. With love. With peace. With forgiveness. And on the inside, those feelings/actions were real. My gracious Father filled me with so much of Himself that I was able to handle things the "right" way. However, I was wrong in thinking, "Okay, I handled it all the right way, where's my reward? Where's my blessing?" That, my friends, is works-based living. And I'm just now realizing how badly I've struggled with it my whole life. I've mistakenly lived out the thought that if I do everything right, bad things won't come my way.



You wanna know how the Holy Spirit is showing me the error of my ways? He's helping me to see myself through REAL lenses. Not self-lenses. I think (I hope) that we all have the natural inclination to think of ourselves more highly than we ought. So even though I've taken such pride in the past of how good a person I am, I'm beginning to see myself as the ugly ball of sin that I am. I am so ugly inside, ya'll. So while I've been pointing out the specks in others eyes, God has been beating me over the head with the 2X4 that's in my own eye. Yeah, it's not so pleasant.



But, praise God, I'm His. And He's still workin' on me. He can change this old heart of mine.



And He is.



Bit by bit.



Day by day.



How could I ever live without Him?

It Comes Before the Fall. . .

Image by maureenml0521 via Flickr

If you've been reading some of my recent posts, maybe you've picked up on the fact that the Lord has been working in our life in regards to pride.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling, for some reason, like I should do a post about pride. I thought about it, then went about my day, beginning with my Bible study.

I read a chapter of Proverbs every day. Look at the first two verses of yesterday's reading.

"Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Let another praise you, and not your own mouth; someone else, and not your own lips." Proverbs 27:1-2

Pride.

It can sneak up on us in so many different ways. There are some very obvious sources of pride - what we accomplish, what we own, maybe even who we know. I've really been more aware lately of some more subtle sources of pride.

We can be proud of how moral we are. We can be proud of how well we've handled a crisis in our life. We can be proud of how kind we are, how forgiving we are, how generous we are, or how disciplined we are.

Let's shift our view a little bit. Pride can keep you from apologizing. Pride can keep you from sharing your heart. Your weaknesses. Your failures. Your humanity.

Pride can make you wear a mask. A mask that tells everyone around you that you're the perfect family, or the perfect parent, or the perfect Christian.

But none of those things are really REAL, are they? There's no such thing as a perfect anything, except our perfect God!

Job 35:12 says, "And when they cry out, God does not answer because of their pride."

Psalm 101:5 states, "I will not tolerate people who slander their neighbors. I will not endure conceit and pride."

Look at Proverbs 11:2. "Pride leads to disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom."

1 John 2:16 "For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world."

It is so difficult to live in this world, but not be of this world, isn't it? It is a daily, hourly battle to live for the Lord, and not for ourselves and our own pleasure!

In my life recently, the Lord has slowly been peeling away layers of pride that I've carried with me for years. Pride in my marriage has been replaced with the knowledge that this marriage is NOTHING if HE is not the daily focus and reason for living for both Ivan and I. Pride in my personality/kindness has been replaced with the knowledge that unless I love my enemies, my general kindness is WORTHLESS. We had to let go of some pride to accept a Wal-Mart gift card from some anonymous friends at church who wanted to help us make it through a tough financial month or two. (If you're reading this, thank you so much! You are Christ's love in action!)

I have to kick pride out the door every time someone comes into my house and says, "What happened to your floors?"

Pride is what makes Satan Satan. Think about that. He is who he is because of pride.

I don't want to go down that road in my life. So, I want to soak up every little thing the Lord wants to teach me about pride. I want to have a gentle, humble spirit. I want to be wise.

Man, I have a long way to go. But my God can do mighty things. I have no doubt He can change this ugly, selfish heart of mine into something that looks a little more like His.

What about you? What has the Lord been teaching you lately?

And 1, and 2, and 3, and . . .

Temple cat stretching
Originally uploaded by tanakawho

STRETCH!!!! Come on now, you can do it!

Think about this with me for a minute . . . you can stretch a buck, wear stretch pants, get stretch marks, stretch your legs, stretch your limits, spend some time on a stretcher ( hopefully not!) - the list goes on and on.

We were recently stretched when the Lord made it ABUNDANTLY clear that we were to find a new church home. It wasn't something we wanted to do - it wasn't fun. It wasn't easy. It was very scary going into new Sunday School classes where we didn't know anybody. It was a little disheartening walking into a large sanctuary, not seeing any familiar faces, and knowing that we could be somewhere where we were not only known, but loved.

Maybe you've been stretched recently. Maybe it's a marriage in crisis, or a sick and hurting loved one. Maybe it's feeling like you're in a dry spell spiritually. It could be financial strain - we've certainly been there, too! Whatever it may be, hold on - and keep stretching.

You see, just like stretch marks in a pregnancy, the reward is worth it in the end.

Because in my life, the times that I've been stretched the furthest are the times that the Lord has revealed Himself to me the most. Whether it's His calming hand in the midst of a storm, or just His quiet, yet overwhelming Presence - I know that I will never be alone. I serve a God who cares about me and my daily struggles and cares. I serve a God who will never leave me or forsake me. If my marriage has hit a rough patch, He is there. If I lose a child, or a mother, or a father, He is there. If my husband loses his job, He is there. If you've struggled with infertility, or if you've had a child on the verge of death, or if you're struggling with just what you need to be doing next, lean on Him. Let Him hold you. He is there.

I'm just beginning to reap the benefits of our recent stretching exercise. I am getting to know some pretty awesome ladies through working at VBS this year. They've all been stretched to differing degrees in their lives, I'm sure, and they've all got something different and unique to share with others. Our world is so enriched by the relationships we have with people, and if we let ourselves, we can all help each other so much.

So pull up those stretch pants, and don't give up! Don't fear what's outside of your comfort zone - embrace it for the growth that you know will come!

Except for maybe public speaking. It doesn't count.

"You have made known to me the path of life; You will fill me with joy in Your presence, with eternal pleasures at Your right hand." Psalm 16:11

We Praise You, Jesus . . .

for Your everylasting presence in our lives.

As those of you on Facebook know, we had quite the scare this weekend, but are praising our Lord for His hand of protection on our Emma.

We left Saturday morning for Hot Springs, Arkansas. Ivan's brother, Jonluke, was getting married at 3:00 that day, and Emma was the flower girl.

It was precious! She did SOO good - especially since this was her first time "solo" in front of people. As soon as we arrived, I began praying that she wouldn't fall down those stone steps. I was afraid that in her nervousness, she would rush and slip. Well, she didn't - and she made it through the service beautifully.

Fast forward an hour or two. The reception was at this house also, so everyone was just hanging out and eating. The kids were all running around together playing. I had Aubrey in my arms - so I was trying not to move around too much. This was a beautiful yard, but there had been plenty of rain, so the ground was quite soft - and very hilly. On the other side of the driveway is Hot Springs National Park - if that tells you anything about the terrain.

One of the little boys came running to where all the adults were:

"A little girl fell! The flower girl!"

Well, as I'm sure you can imagine, my heart started racing. Ivan went running, and I followed as safely as I could, high heels and soggy ground and baby and all. :) At the front of the house, if you're in the yard, it looks like just a regular yard. However, at one edge, the yard simply stops, and there is a 6 foot or so drop to a concrete sidewalk below. Well, our dear Emma had fallen off, down 6 or so feet, onto the concrete below. As soon as I realized the situation, all I could say was,

"Jesus - Jesus - Jesus!"

I was crying out to Him - with no words other than His wonderful name. By the time I got there, Ivan was kneeling next to Emma asking her questions - trying to find out exactly what happened. She would only cry - she couldn't give him any answers at all.

There were no obvious breaks - everything seems to be in place. She was breathing, she was crying - none of the other children said anything about her shaking (seizures) or anything, thank goodness. After Ivan saw her moving and determined that she was probably okay, he carried her inside to get some ice on a very large goose egg on her forehead. 10 or 15 minutes passed and her crying had not really subsided. All of a sudden she began asking,

"What happened?"

After many questions, we realized that she didn't remember the wedding, she didn't remember being the flower girl, she didn't remember falling. I started feeling around on the back of her head, and found a spot that felt like a ridge - not normal at all. So of course, we're trying to get everyone to the car to get her to the ER as soon as possible.

We had remembered passing a hospital on the way there, so we were going to try to just backtrack and get there as quickly as we could. However, on the 2nd street we turned on, Hallelujah, there's a Sheriff's Deputy. Ivan yells out the window,

"Where's the nearest hospital? We've got a little girl that fell on her head!"

"Follow me!!" is all we heard. The Lord sent us an escort - so we were able to get there without concern of stop signs and traffic lights.

Once at the hospital, we got in pretty quickly. At this point, it had been at least an hour since she fell, and she seemed to be remembering less and less. The nurse asked her who had painted her toenails, and she couldn't answer. That really scared me, because we had done that here at home that morning! About every minute and a half, Emma would ask,

"How did I fall off a wall?"

"Where was I?"

And then again,

"How did I fall off a wall?"

Because of the repetition, the doctor decided that we needed to do a CT Scan. Being proactive, he wanted to go on and give her an IV in case she began seizing while getting the scan. Two minutes after they put the IV in place,

"What did they do to my arm?"

"How did I fall off a wall?"

And again, two minutes later,

"How did I fall off a wall?"

"What did they do to my arm?"

She was so scared. She couldn't remember anything and that scared her to death.

I tried to prepare myself for this for the rest of our lives. I wondered if there was permanent damage, and if this is what the Lord had in store for us. And you know, I thought,

"I can do this. If my Lord is with me, I can do it."

20 minutes or so after the scan, I heard the best words I've heard in a while.

"Well, there's great news. Nothing in her neck is broken, and there are no fractures on the skull. There's no fluid in her head where there shouldn't be. Now, are there chances of something showing up in the next day or two? Well, it's been documented 3 times out of all the head and neck scans ever done, so your odds are pretty good".

Thank You, thank You, thank You, Lord!

Sarah got to ride the wheelchair out to the car with her Sissy.

We were discharged (with a sick bag) within the 1/2 hour, with instructions to see our family doc on Monday. They said she may never remember any of what happened, or she may. She had a pretty bad concussion - so we got lots of paperwork of what to expect and what to watch out for.

We headed home - oh, how I wanted to be home! Half an hour down the road, the "what coulda beens" hit me.

My. baby. could. have. died.

Or been paralyzed.

She didn't even have a broken bone. That in itself is a miracle to me. Six feet (onto concrete) is a long fall for someone who's only 3 1/2 feet tall.

She woke up at midnight in the car, singing to the radio (A big, big house, with lots and lots of rooms. . . ) and asking if we were going to church today. I've never been so happy to hear her little tone deaf self!

So we just hung out today, at home. Enjoyed each other. Got lazy. :) I find myself hugging all 3 of my babies more. I stopped sweeping because Emma wanted to read me a story. We cuddled on the couch and ended up taking a 2 hour nap together.

This is one of Emma's goose eggs on Sunday. It is SOOO much smaller than it had been Saturday night!

You know, you always hear - "Cherish every minute with your loved ones. Today may be your last day on this earth" (or theirs). I don't think you ever really get that until you experience it, or almost experience it yourself.

We began the day Saturday excited about the wedding, and Emma's part in it. We ended the day so so thankful, and so so grateful for the mighty hand of God.

I told Emma last night as I was putting her to bed that I had called out to Jesus, and I feel He protected her. I told her that some people fall on their heads and die, and others fall on their heads and are never able to move their arms and legs again. I told her that God protected her from getting hurt very badly, and that we were so thankful.

This morning when she woke up, she remembered that I had told her that. But then she said,

"I had a dream that an angel came to me and told me that I could have died but that God protected me. It had wings and long red hair. Then the angel took my hands and we flew around".

Wow. I don't doubt her one bit. (She later said it was a boy angel).

Today around noon Emma said she remembers the wall, and remembers falling. She said she was running around looking for Hunter, her new cousin. Again, thank You, Jesus!

I apologize that this is so long - I don't think there will be too many posts like this! But we want to glorify the Lord for how He has once again moved in our lives in such a magnificent way.

Who can you tell today that you are thankful they are in your life? Who can you love on just a little more? How can you praise our Father for the good things in your life?