Monday, January 11, 2010

Where, Oh Where, Has my Margie Gone?

I'm here! I'm still here!!

Contrary to popular belief, I have NOT dropped off the face of the earth. Really.

I mean it.

Let me 'splain.

I blog for me. Blogging, so far, has been MY time. A time where I think about me.

I think about what I like and don't like.

I think about what I'M like, and not like.

I think about what God is doing in my life.

What He's teaching me.

How He's growing me.

And every once in a while, those thoughts make a little bit of sense on the screen.

I re-tell funny things that happen in our family - things I don't want to forget.

It's MY time. I try not to blog when my children are awake and need me. I usually don't blog when my hubby's home. (Cause, you see, I am married to him, not this computer.) :) So, normally, I blog on Thursday, Friday and/or Saturday night when he's working at his 2nd job. It's a small window of opportunity, but I do what I can.

I still love to blog, and have all kinds of thingys floating around in my head wanting to be blogged about.

And, I will get to them.

Just not today. :)

You see, for the past 2 or 3 months, I've had something else vying for my "Me time". Something very important.

Taking care of myself.

I'm counting calories. I'm strength training. I'm doing 30-45 minutes of cardio 6 or 7 times a week, whether it's running, Zumba classes, or walking with Leslie Sansone.

So, in the midst of priority #1 (my 3 girls, plus 2 more that I take care of at different times through the week), priority #2 (getting school done every day), priority #3 (being the godly wife I should be) and priority #4 ( keeping our home in some semblance of order), I'm really trying to take care of me, so I can continue to juggle everything that I love so much. At this point, it takes a LOT of time.

I'm hopeful that it won't always be this way. One day, I won't have to be so stringent about counting every calorie that goes into this mouth. One day, I'll kind of know just what I can eat, and how much.

For now, however, I need to dedicate this much time to this. Because you know what? This isn't a passing phase. Not this time. I am absolutely changing the way I live. I'm changing my eating habits, and I'm changing how much this ole body moves.

I'm just beginning to see the outward changes. Yippee!!! But you know what's even better than that? The inward changes that I've felt for the past few months. I'm succeeding! I'm running 2 miles at a time and I'm in control of the food that goes into my mouth. Food used to be in control of me. It's a very sad/sick feeling to know/feel that as much as you shouldn't have that brownie, you just don't have the willpower to resist it. To feel like a failure every time you eat, because you just can't seem to stop.

I've felt that way for many many years. And I can't even really tell you why. But I feel that way no longer! I tell you, every time I eat now, it's one more notch in my success belt. In the past 2 weeks, I've gone over my calories one day. That's it! And when that happened, I didn't give up and quit like I had every other time. I questioned why I did it, figured out the answer, and began again the next day, knowing I could remain in control.

It's a good feeling. One that I don't want to let go of.

Ivan found this picture yesterday flipping through the photos he had on his phone, taken in late November. Just 2 1/2 months ago. It's obviously a picture of the girls, but there I am in the lower left corner, looking like a linebacker at the computer. Look at that back, and those shoulders, and that big ole rear end! Why couldn't I see that this is what I looked like?

Ivan kept trying to tell me when he found this that I don't look like this anymore. I didn't believe him.

I'm in the same size clothes. Very few clothing items "feel" different. I don't SEE much change when I look in the mirror.

So, we recreated the picture, sans Emma and Sarah. We tried to get me in about the same position, with the same clothes on. Yes, the shirt's a different color, but it's the same shirt. Same brand, same style, same.

Here's me yesterday.

Can you see the difference?

I know, I know . . . I've still got a bit of a muffin top - I've still got a long ways to go. (Like 45 pounds!) But, I'm on my way. No pills, no medical help, no shortcuts. Just good old-fashioned diet and exercise.

So, bloggy world, forgive me for not visiting as often as I should. I love you, and miss you old friend. :) Although I don't see you as often as in days of yore, I think of you often, and MEAN to stop by.

My busy days will soon be gone. So although I'm not here as much, I am still here. I will return.

Hopefully this week.

Cause you KNOW you can't get rid of me THAT easily!

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